


Kitchen's nightmare

by Sin_Cognito



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underswap, Cooking, Gen, Papy is incredibly bad at cooking, Underswap Papyrus, Underswap Sans, blueberry cake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 21:16:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13256787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sin_Cognito/pseuds/Sin_Cognito
Summary: Despite his lack of cooking skills, Swap wants to bake a cake for Blue. But even the simplest cake can prove to be really difficult to make when you're at his level...





	Kitchen's nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> From a tumblr request. Once again, so sorry it took so long but hey ! It was supposed to be a little drabble at first, but I got carried away and now it's a whole fic ! So yay !  
> I would love to see a fic of the swapbro's cooking together and just in general being intimate with each other. Maybe they make a mess and have to clean each other up?
> 
> I didn't write it as fontcest, but you can definitely see it as fontcest if you want !

A long and tired yawn escaped Swap as he went down the stairs. He woke up 3 hours earlier than he was used to, and was completely out of it, but today was special.

Upon entering the small kitchen, he was graced with the mind-blowingly cute sight of his smaller brother dancing to an upbeat tune playing on the radio. Blue was finishing washing up the dishes from his breakfast and was facing the sink, his back towards the door where Swap was currently standing in. The lanky skeleton wasn't making a sound, in fear he would disrupt his brother's happy swing. He merely lighted up a cigarette in silence, watching as Blue's little frame swung from left to right in beat.

After two minutes of silent spying on Blue, the little skeleton's humming stopped and he lifted his head. Blue sniffed once or twice before putting down the remaining dishes.

"It Smells Like... Cigarettes ?" Blue muttered to himself and turned around, a tiny squeak escaping him when he spotted Swap in the doorway. "PAPY ! YOU SCARED ME ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?! AND PUT THAT CIGARETTE AWAY, I DON'T WANT YOU SMOKING IN THE HOUSE !"

Swap happily laughed at Blue's sudden outburst but still obliged and stuffed his cig out in a nearby ashtray. He then sat down at the table and tried waking up a tad more by rubbing his tired eyesockets. The motion didn't go unnoticed by Blue, who hurried up to his side, clear concern stretching over his features.

"PAPY ARE YOU OKAY ? ARE YOU SICK ? YOU SHOULD GO REST ! AH ! DO YOU WANT ME TO READ YOU A MORNING BED TIME STORY ?" Blue quickly offered. He then checked the kitchen clock and noticed it was far too early for Swap to be up and about. Yep, something was clearly wrong. "SERIOUSLY THOUGH PAPY, ARE YOU OKAY ?" Blue asked, putting a comforting hand on Swap's back, gently rubbing his spine.

Swap couldn't help but be deeply touched by Blue's genuine concern, even when it was completely unnecessary. He picked his brother up and nuzzled his face on Blue's round skull. "im okay blue, doncha worry about me ! i woke up earlier today because theres something i needed to tell you asap." At Blue's intrigued but clueless look, Swap lightly chuckled. He withdraw a bit so that he could be face to face with Blue and smiled. "Happy birthday, bro !"

Blue blinked twice, and the brightest smile stretched upon his face, his eye lights sparkling in delight.

"THANK YOU PAPY !!!"

Blue tackled Swap in one of his trademarked hugs, throwing him off balance and sending them both on the ground. Unrestrained laughter soon could be heard in the colorful kitchen, the two unable to stop. Once their giggles quieted a bit, Swap sat up and looked at Blue with a more serious expression.

"hey blue, i have to tell you... as a present i wanted to bake you a blueberry cake, cause i know its your favorite... but you know my culinary talent is... pretty... low..." Swap shyly averted his eyes.

"NONEXISTENT YOU MEAN." Blue chirped.

"hey !" Swap pretended to be offended. Though he knew Blue was right. "anyway, i thought that maybe, you could help me ? in baking your cake ?" Swap was a bit embarrassed to admit he needed help in baking a simple cake, even more when the one he asked help from was the one the cake was for... But he'd rather embarrass himself than cook something awful for his most precious brother. Poisoning Blue on his birthday was the last thing Swap wanted.

When Swap turned his head back to gauge Blue's reaction, he was met with big blue starry eyes and an agape mouth. Blue was speechless.

"b-blue ? blue are you ok-" Swap couldn't even finish his sentence before he was silenced by Blue's scream.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES !!!!!!! OH YES YES YES !!! LET ME HELP YOU PAPY !!! IT'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN !!! HAAAAA !! I'm gonna teach Papy how to cook... I'M GONNA TEACH YOU HOW TO COOK !!!!!!!!!!"

Despite his loss of hearing, Swap was happy to see Blue that excited. It had been foolish of him to be unsure of his request, it seemed.

"LET'S BEGIN RIGHT NOW !!!" And before Swap could even object that he was still half awake and would have liked at least a cup of coffee, though Blue's scream did a good job in shaking his brain awake, Blue had cleared the table, found a recipe book and taken out everything that was needed for the baking of a cake.

On the table now laid several bowls of varying sizes, spoons and whisks, many packs filled with different white powders, and some butter. No honey, he noticed.

"WE CAN DO EITHER OF THOSE TWO : A BLUEBERRY TART, IT'S DELICIOUS BECAUSE THERE'S ALMOND POWDER MIXED WITHIN, OR THIS BLUEBERRY CAKE THAT I HAVEN'T TESTED OUT YET. WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO DO ?"

Swap was already lost. A tart ? A cake ? He had no clue which one was better...

"erm... the... uh... the tart maybe ?" Swap figured maybe all he'd have to do with a tart would be to rinse the fruits and put them on the crust and then put it in the owen. Simple enough, even for him, no ?

"OK ! WELL THEN, TO MAKE THE CRUST PASTRY, WE NEED ALL PURPOSE FLOUR, CONFECTIONER SUGAR, COLD BUTTER AND SALT... HMM PAPY ? IS ANYTHING WRONG ?" When Blue looked at him with his innocent blue eyes, Swap couldn't tell him he didn't know what he was supposed to do with all these ingredients Blue had just listed. He settled for opening one packet at random, hoping seeing Blue begin to work would help him.

Unfortunately for him, Blue seemed to notice he was all over the place.

"YOU KNOW WHAT ? LET'S FORGET THE TART. LET'S MAKE THE CAKE INSTEAD," Blue said with a sweet smile, though Swap clearly heard 'making a simple crust pastry sounds too difficult for him for the moment'.

"OKAY, LISTEN TO ME PAPY. YOU'RE GOING TO PUT 90G OF... 90 _GRAMMS_ OF FLOUR IN... THIS ! BOWL, THEN 125 GRAMMS OF SUGAR, this one okay ? not the other one over there, AND 125 GRAMMS OF ALMOND POWDER. IT'S THE YELLOW PACK. CAN YOU DO THIS ?"

"yep !" Swap said with confidence. Now that he had clear instructions, he knew even he could pull it off.

He took the digital weight scale and put the bowl over it. He then very carefully poured the flour in it, adjusting the quantity with a spoon to be even more precise when he neared 90g. He took great care in making sure he wouldn't pour too much sugar or almond as well. He was satisfied when the scale indicated 340g. 90+125+125. At least, being good at math had helped.

He turned towards Blue, who was just finishing separating the egg whites from the yolks, and beamed while showing the results of his efforts. Sure, it was only pouring ingredients into a big bowl, but knowing his level in cooking, Swap could have fucked up even such a simple task.

Blue seemed happy with his work and lightly mixed all the powders together, 'FOR A BETTER HOMOGENEITY" he explained. He slowly stopped and began muttering something to himself.

"what... what's wrong blue ? i did everything as you told me !" Swap asked.

"I DON'T KNOW, IT SEEMS A BIT... LIGHT ? ARE YOU SURE YOU PUT ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING ?"

"yes !"

"MMH... DID YOU PRESS THE WHITE BUTTON TO TARE BALANCE ?"

"yes ! ...no ? what's 'tare balance' ?"

He had fucked it up, hadn't he ?

"PAPY ! YOU HAVE TO TARE BALANCE BEFORE POURING ANY INGREDIENT ! OTHERWISE, THE WEIGHT OF THE BOWL IS INCLUDED IN THE TOTAL WEIGHT ! HERE YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE 340 GRAMMS OF DRY INGREDIENTS BECAUSE THE BOWL WEIGHS ABOUT... okay. It's okay... I'll fix it."

Swap felt bad, he was worried Blue was upset about his failure... He knew Blue wasn't the type of monster to hold a grudge against anyone, especially Swap, but still... His clumsiness really had no limits.

Blue turned to him with a little cup with some butter in it. Swap took the cup and addressed a questioning look at Blue, who smile reassuringly.

"TAKE CARE OF THE BUTTER WHILE I'M FIXING THE DRY INGREDIENTS, PLEASE. YOU JUST HAVE TO MELT IT IN THE MICROWAVE. NOTHING CAN GO WRONG THIS TIME !" Blue even chuckled, showing Swap he wasn't angry or anything. It even looked like he was enjoying teaching Swap.

The tall skeleton placed the cup in the microwave and turned the timer to 1m30. Not enough time and the butter wouldn't melt, too much and it might burn. Well, Swap didn't know if butter could melt, but he didn't want to find out.

He risked a glance to Blue, seeing him busy with measuring again some flour. The little skeleton was focused on the bowl and didn't notice Swap's protective smile.

A ting from the microwave woke him from his daydreaming and Swap took out the now hot cup and placed it on the table. The butter had perfectly melted. Maybe Swap wasn't so bad at baking after all ?

"AH !"

Or maybe he was ?

"what ? what ?" Swap was seriously asking himself what he could have done wrong this time.

"YOU HEATED THE BUTTER UP FOR TOO LONG ! YOU CLARIFIED IT !"

"i clari-what ?" It was like Blue was speaking an entirely new language. Even harder to understand than Wingdings... "what does this even mean ?"

"IT MEANS WE CAN'T USE IT ANYMORE," Blue deadpanned.

"oh you're kidding me !"

Blue chuckled while Swap slided on a chair, his shoulders slumped. He was beginning to regret his idea of cooking something for Blue. Because as things were going, Blue would be the one to cook his own goddamn birthday cake ! He was glad Blue wasn't upset over his mistakes, but who could tell when he would have enough of Swap's incompetence. He couldn't even pretext it was because he was sleepy, both of them knew he was no better even when fully awake. He should have settled for a simpler gift for his brother, or some fancy dinner at the NTT hotel, or-

*ting*

A new cup of melted butter was placed before his eyes.

"OKAY ! NOW THAT WE'RE DONE WITH THE BUTTER, WE HAVE TO MIX EVERYTHING. PAPY ! CAN YOU HAND ME THE WHISK PLEASE ?"

Swap didn't move for a while, musing how cool his brother was. Blue had melted a new cup of butter while Swap had been busy lamenting his fate in cooking. And yet, despite his clumsiness, Blue clearly wanted him to be a part of the baking of the cake.

More resolved to bake the best cake for his brother than ever, Swap did as instructed and brought the whisk to Blue, who surprisingly didn't take the ustensil himself. Instead, he placed his tiny hand above Swap's large one, and guided him in mixing the mixture. His sure and expert movements helped Swap gain confidence in what he was doing, and before long, Swap was whisking the mix all by himself.

Once everything was thoroughly mixed together, Blue declared it was time to beat the egg whites. Swap had seen his brother do it many times, so he was confident he could do it. He took the mixer and focused on his task while Blue busied himself greasing the baking pan. Everything was going smoothly, the egg whites were beginning to form stiff peaks and Swap knew a trick to know how to tell when they were ready.

"PAPY !" Blue spoke over the buzzing noise of the mixer, "DO YOU KNOW THE TRICK FOR TELLING WHEN THE EGG WHITES ARE READY ?"

"yes bro !" He decided to test it now, since Blue had brought it up as well. With this technique, he didn't need to know for how long exactly he had to whisk the whites. He simply had to turn the mixing bowl upside down : when the whites were ready, they were solid enough not to fall down.

In one swift movement, Swap turned the bowl over.

And every last bit of the egg white mixture fell onto the table, splattering with a wet sound.

Swap stood still in the silent kitchen, his gaze fixed to the white and wet mess he had just created on the table. Some of the mixture was dripping over the edge of the table, landing on the otherwise clean floor. In his stunned state, Swap was distantly glad he wasn't wearing his orange hoodie, or it would have been ruined by the sugary mix.

At he other side of the kitchen, he heard timid giggles.

He looked up in time to see Blue explode in laughter, his chubby cheeks flushed with bright cyan magic. Blue was holding his stomach with one arm, his free hand trembling over the baking pan. He was panting for air, unable to stop his mirth.

At the sight of his giggling brother, sudden realisation hit Swap, who in turn began to chuckle loudly. He needed to sit down, gasping for air between two giggles. Orange tears formed at the corner of his eyes, threatening to spill.

It took the two brothers maybe 10 minutes to regain their composure, though some chuckles still escaped them here and there. When they were calm again, Blue took the mixing bowl and quickly wiped off the table. He swiftly remade the preparation while Swap excused himself to go change. His white tee shirt was too sticky for him to move comfortably. While a shower would be appreciated, it could wait, but he really wanted to at least change his top.

When Swap came back to the kitchen, Blue had successfully finished whisking the egg whites, poured them with the rest of the batter, and had mixed everything. The last step was to put the blueberry into the mix. Swap was sure that he could still fuck it up somehow so he waited for Blue's instructions.

"HERE PAPY, TAKE THE BLUEBERRIES AND..." Blue gave the bowl with the fruits to Swap and distanced himself from him. He placed himself in front of the oven and put the large bowl with the batter over his head. He smiled maliciously and stated, "...THROW THEM AT ME !"

Swap took a handful of fruits and threw them right at Blue's face, who gingerly opened his mouth to welcome the sweet treat. He munched the dark berries and bent a bit so that it would be easier for Swap to aim at the bowl. Blue was running everywhere while Swap continued to throw the berries at him. It took them maybe 20 more minutes than normal to have all the blueberries in the bowl, minus the ones that ended up in Blue's mouth (or the ones on the floor...), but at the end of the morning, their cake was finally ready to be baked.

His face still stuffed with his favorite fruits, Blue opened the oven and placed the baking pan inside. In half an hour, they would be able to taste their first blueberry cake. After all the excitation of their cooking session, they sat calmly in front of the oven, not really checking the cake, but still there if it were to burn instantly. Swap was convinced it was still a high probability with him...

"Papy ?"

"hmm ?"

"That was the best birthday gift ever !"

"what ? but... we haven't even tried the cake yet ?" Swap said, confused.

When he turned to see Blue's face, one of the warmest smile he had ever seen on his brother met him.

**Author's Note:**

> The egg white incident is totally inspired by something I saw a friend do irl... So yeah, there ARE people out there who share Swap's cooking skills...


End file.
